So, today I knew I failed on my acting test, so I can't join the company.
I feel like shit, like I knew I'd feel. As usual I feel frustrated, I know I failed 'cause it's my fault, 'cause I'm not good enough AND FUCK I'LL NEVER BE!
I just wanted to be good at the things that I like just accomplish something to be proud of, just BE HAPPY. FUCK WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?? WHY CAN'T I BE GOOD ENOUGH? I TRY SO HARD AND I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. JUST NEVER.
Tears roll from my eyes as soon as I write this. I feel so bad I think I'll never stop crying or just feel good.
And one of my friends just doesn't leave me alone. I feel like our friendship is falling appart and I don't know if I wanna fix it (?) 'cause things are pretty messed up now and I just want some peace of mind. I want her to leave me the heck alone and just don't bother me and just let me be. I need some space, I need some tranquility and I'm not having it and I feel like I'm going mad like last year.
At the same time feels like my ex-boyfriend just lives to destroy me and to say lies about me and he's trying too hard to hurt me, I don't even know why. He was the one who broke-up, not me. He was the one who treated me like shit during the time we dated so I don't really know fucking why he's doing this.
Feels like I can never be quiet I'm always being dragged to problems and shitty stuff. I just want to be left alone. I just want some peace of mind. I wanted to be happy, is it too much to ask?
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