Hey guys :)
so much has changed since I came here for the last time.
I've gotta say, there are several times when I wanna write something, put my feelings and my thoughts into words but sometimes I'm too lazy (or something like that) to do it and I just swallow what I wanna say. And I think that's not really good for me but I insist. Fuck logic.

So, the biggest change in my life is that I met someone and I love him. The best part of it is that he likes me back, so he's my boyfriend. I like him very much, he's really special for me and I feel that what we have is really good and iimportant.

Still, there are so mny times that I feel so alone. That I just want to get out of myself and be someone else. Or just get out of myself and feel other things. Just watch. No thinking, no feeling, no nothing. Just watch and see what happens. How the world works, how people work, how it is to see these things from outside.
It's so frustrating sometimes. It's so sad. It's so annoying and makes me hate myself for thinking this way, for being so hard to please, for being so hard on everybody, speacially on me. For being so complicated, so messed up.

I just want some peace of mind. Feel happy like I use to feel. No drama. I'm such a drama queen, sometimes... And I hate drama. I just hate it. So ironic. I'm such a paradox. It's so hard to understand me sometimes. I know how hard that is, so I think I shouldn't be waiting for another people to figure it out.
The truth is that I'm really afraid sometimes. I'm afraid of people judging me and specially of getting tired of me.
I love D. and I'm afraid that someday he is gonna be sick of me. Sick of someone that just can't be simple enough, that likes to complicate and that is so hard to understand.

Despite everything, I try to be the best I can and sometimes I'm not successful enough. But I swear I try.

And even if I'm exposing the last things that I've been feeling these days and these weeks I think I feel better and that is better to speak your mind, even when it implicates you making some serious confessions about yourself, saying things you're not able to say out loud but that you're capable of writing. It's better this way.
I just wanna feel better.
I just wanna be positive and look around what I have and feel happy about it.
I just wanna lay this neurotic side of me and just enjoy life. I only have one life to live and I don't wanna spend it regreting every little bad thought I had, every little disappointment I had BECAUSE OF ME. Because of not being able to shut down some stupid expectations about everyone that I care about, specially the ones I love.
I just wanna have a deep breath and dry my tears.